chicago seemed tired last night

lot's of work lately. keeping my mind and body busy so as not to let them wander and get into shitty situations. i've been thinking about the future in very different terms than i ever have before. there seems to be an unnatural split from my usual pessimism. bob laughed at me and told me i'm still entirely too pessimistic when i told him this, but i feel it's more of a brightly centered and focused realism than an blanket pessimism. there's no way to ignore or deny all of the negativity and let down that goes on in daily life, but i've learned to accept these all and focus on the passing moments of beauty where humanity shines through. it's given me this electric feeling that, no matter what, everything is going to be okay. there will always be good tunes, there will always be good films. the libraries are full and nothing's going to change that. and then, there's always the muse; that single image of fleeting beauty that keeps the fire alive. sunshine creeping through the window after a sleepless night that hit's the hair just right and sets the whole room ablaze with a piercing glow. it's time for travel.